several years ago, i considered starting a blog but apparently decided against it. if i had to guess, my reasoning was probably something like ~ isn’t that what instagram is for?
i was freshly nineteen when i first started using instagram, and pretty damn lonely. my boyfriend of only 6 months and i had moved a few hours south to a small town in oregon where we didn’t know anyone but his folks. i was living away from my parents for the first time ever, and truth be told, i didn’t really like his- even though we had moved there to work + live on their property. it took me months to find a job + make friends, and i really fucking missed my family.
at the time, instagram was super new and not that exciting but it was better than nothing. nothing being loneliness: home, alone, in a town with a population of 1600, with no friends to hang out with or even talk to, and my family so far away.
~texting and heytell are cool, but whats up with instagram?~
photos were a big part of my childhood (ohh, the scrapbooks) and i had already learned to love sharing intimate parts of my life with the internet via myspace + facebook. what was different about instagram, though, was the evolution of ‘friends’ to ‘followers’ - one was mutual + exclusive, the other a free for all. suddenly there existed a platform that made space for new, spontaneous connections ~ hashtags made it easy to find + follow folks posting about things that strike your fancy while the engagement made it fun to keep coming back.
and so the story begins.
i’d moved to that small town with a population of 1,600 from my hometown on new year’s day 2012. like it was yesterday, i remember posting on facebook ‘au revoir salem/keiz. new year, new me’ ~ whewwww. i wouldn’t have moved had i known how challenging the next several months would be, but damn am i glad i did
during that time, i used instagram as intended: frequently + in the moment
of course i loved this new way of keeping in touch with friends + family, but i also relished the opportunity to ‘meet’ new people + curate a community of sorts, and to share what i was doing. i was learning so much in life, and i desperately wanted to shout about it from the rooftops!
so i did.
i have continued to shout from the rooftops of instagram over the years. i’ve lived in ten homes in five cities and relied heavily on the ethers to keep in touch with folks i’ve met along the way. it has been somewhat of a safe space to spill my heart + speak my mind, and somewhere along the way it became more of a habit than anything
while it may not be reality for everyone, i find that i truly embody my dream self most when i don’t use instagram. why? because i’m living life uninhibited. I’m not on my phone, snapping a photo with the intention of sharing it in my story or on my feed... maybe i’m not snapping a photo at all. i’m just ... here, now.
its been years since i kicked a reach-for-my-phone-first-thing-in-the-morning habit & years since i reclaimed my mornings + vowed not to spend them online. no social media before noon = one of the best decisions i've ever made. i’ve also fallen into the habit of deleting instagram when i’m done using it so muscle memory + mindlessness don’t keep me scrolling. these little things (big things) have added up to a lot (of time) and i’ve found myself wondering why i continue to give away my most precious resource for so little in return
and it is a little.
real life doesn’t happen on instagram. there are photos of real life + mentionings of it, + maybe some people there from yours, but its not *where* the magick happens. and that's ok! but i’m coming to realise- right here, right now- that what i want most in life is to be where the magick happens. in fact, i am the magick happening. and now more than ever, i believe it is so critical not to outsource the magick in your life, but rather embody + create + BE it ♥
last december, instagram announced some nasty changes in their terms & conditions. whether or not there were actual changes i do not know, but the jargon in that updated agreement led me to the realisation that... continuing to use instagram doesn’t feel good for me. it no longer feels in alignment with who i want to be...
there, i said it.
a simple statement that packs a lot of punch. in all honesty, if someone would’ve said this to me a year ago i would have felt TRIGGERED. blame shame defend. I love instagram. I have 8+ year relationships that exist solely on + because of instagram... I cannot remember a time in my adult life without it
and that is precisely how i know that our time together is limited.
i don't want the longest, most consistent relationship in my 20s to be a social media application...
this wasn’t going to be my first blog post, or really even a blog post at all. it started as a note in my phone (don’t they all) to jot down + string together some persistent thoughts. but wow, so many things have come up since i made the space for them. i have so many thoughts + feelings + musings to share! and really, that is a perfect circle back to why i’m here + where i’m going.
i’m taking what i love about instagram and turning it into what i love about blogging instead. i don’t know what that's going to look like, but i am very happy to be here ~showing up + taking action on a bigger goal~ and i’m really glad that you’re here, too
:)
Xx
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